Coralie

Susu Harmache's Oral Commentary on //July's People// media type="file" key="SUSU July's people.mp3"

Peer Reviewer: Grazia Castagna__**
 * __Peer Review for Susu Harmache. Act IV Sc.vii Lines 190-217

The candidate addresses the context of the passage at the beginning of her commentary. However, it is a little confusing when she states that Ophelia has gone mad after she states that Ophelia is dead. Therefore the organization of the context is a little sloppy. Additionally the context is briefly addressed. Shakespeare’s purpose in including this passage is not addressed in the commentary. It is very important to address this and makes it easier for the candidate because it provides a focus. The organizational principle of this commentary was moderately clear because the candidate chose to go through the passage in order but it could have been helpful if the candidate stated which lines she was quoting. Additionally around lines 197-100 I was a little confused because the candidate jumped back and forth in analyzing the lines but overall the organization principle was effective. She introduced the context at the very beginning of the commentary, which was an excellent idea because it gives the listener an idea of what is going on in the passage and it shows that the candidate has a good understanding of the story. Why did Shakespeare include this passage in the book? What does this passage say about the role of women in the book? Why does Shakespeare evoke pity within the reader with his description of Ophelia even though she betrays Hamlet? What does Laertes’ reaction say about his character? The candidate had some really good ideas that were persuasive and enlightening. The themes she was exploring were very clear. I also liked that she did not go line by line and explain every single line and she was concise and to the point. I especially liked the point that Ophelia’s drowning is an allegory to her life. I thought that was very clever. I would suggest that the candidate should address the author’s purpose, since it is a really important component to the understanding of the passage. Additionally, the candidate assumes that the clothes that Ophelia is wearing at the time of her death are royal and valuable. However, there is no evidence to indicate this and although she brings up a really good point, she should back up her assumption with evidence. It is unlikely that she wears royal clothes due to her incurable state of madness, but the possibility cannot be excluded. More use of literary features and a discussion of the author’s purpose would’ve been highly appreciated therefore as a suggestion for improvement, I strongly suggest that the candidate should discuss this more. The candidate uses the literary terms well to support her arguments but she did miss a few things. A quote that she could’ve used further is “her garments, heavy with their drink”. Ophelia’s garments are personified and therefore given importance in this quote and the fact that they are heavy with their drink could signify Ophelia’s loss of sanity due to an accumulation of negative events thrust upon her. It could also signify the corruption of the court because the ‘drink’ could refer to earlier in the play when Hamlet expresses his disgust in Denmark’s custom of heavy drinking, specifically directed at Claudius. In addition, the use of pathos could’ve been addressed. Shakespeare makes us pity Ophelia’s character throughout this passage through flower imagery in contrast to the weeds imagery. She is ‘incapable of her own distress’ and the branch that broke is describes as an ‘envious sliver’ which personifies the branch as malicious. This also indicates the theme of appearance vs. reality because later in the book Ophelia’s death being an accident or suicide is questioned. Furthermore, the word ‘weeping’ occurs throughout the passage. A willow connotes weeping and the brook itself is personified as weeping. It is also interesting that Laertes withholds his tears even though he is depicted as an impulsive man and by forbidding his tears he is showing self-control. The theme of the woman’s role in the play could’ve also been addressed with Ophelia being rendered incapable with the loss of her father and Hamlet, who are no longer there to tell her what to do. Additionally, Laertes says that “when these are gone, the woman will be out” showing how women were regarded as weak in the play. Knowledge and understanding of Extract of work(s): 4 Interpretation and Personal Response: 8 Presentation: 9 Use of Language: 4
 * -Did the speaker address context? Purpose?**
 * -Was there an organizational principle utilized for their commentary?**
 * -What questions would you ask this person for clarification, IF YOU WERE THE ACCESSOR?**
 * -What did the speaker do well?**
 * -What would you suggest for improvement?**
 * -What did they forget to address (lit terms, themes, etc.)**
 * -What would you score them based on the rubric?**

Pavel Aprelev Peer review of Corlie Harmache

1. Did the speaker address context? Purpose? Coralie address very little context of the passage, since it is in the beginning of the book. She could have stated the overall purpose of the novel. 2. Was there an organizational principle utilized for their commentary? The commentary was overall well organized. It followed a chronological order, and was easy to follow. She referenced the quotes while analyzing, which made it clear what she was talking about. 3. What questions would you ask this person for clarification, IF YOU WERE THE ACCESSOR? How does Maureen’s absence of family and responsibility contribute to the overall theme of the book? 4. What did the speaker do well? The speaker addressed the most important themes and symbols in the passage. She spoke in a clear and coherent way, which made the commentary easy to understand. 5. What would you suggest for improvement? I would suggest referencing the authorial purpose more instead of just focusing on the description of the characters and events in the book. 6. What did they forget to address (lit terms, themes, etc.) The speaker addressed most of the important ideas, themes and lit terms. 7. What would you score them based on the rubric? a. Knowledge- 4 b. Interpretation-8 c. Presentation-8 d. Language-4

Peer Review of Susu Harmache ** The speaker gave a little bit of context since her passage was in the beginning of the text, I think she could have given more background when she was covering certain areas, but overall it was good. She did address purpose for everything she discussed. the speaker went in chronological order from the beginning of the passage to the end. It was easy to follow. The speaker was able to identify the important pieces of the text such as the broken pieces of luxury items that the Smales had when there was no problem. The speaker should have more concentrated ideas and be more fluid when speaking, there were too many breaks in the commentary, this makes your argument weaker It's not so much that the speaker forgot many things, in finding them in the text, but they didn't clearly state some of their conclusions, they were a bit choppy and did not connect as well as they should have because the speaker was on the right track. Knowledge and understanding of Extract of work(s): 4 Interpretation and Personal Response: 7 Presentation: 3 Use of Language: 3
 * Aisha Ali
 * Did the speaker address context? Purpose?**
 * Was there an organizational principle utilized for their commentary?**
 * What did the speaker do well?**
 * What would you suggest for improvement?**
 * -What did they forget to address (lit terms, themes, etc.)**
 * What would you score them based on the rubric?**

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek OC media type="file" key="Pilgrim at TInker Creeksusu.m4a"